My Heart Is So Full and I Need to Tell You About It

This story needs a brief preface to set the scene

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So, I have been struggling with a lot of loneliness. I don't have any friends who actively engage with me anymore. And I find myself jealous of those around me; and I feel invisible when I try to express myself to people. Of course, I have my family but that's a different kind of companionship.

For almost a year now I've found that I love junk journaling. Feel free to do your own research (You can also visit my dedicated Instagram page here) It's been a great outlet for me. While doing research, I discovered a dedicated group that centered around sharing materials like paper, stickers, embellishments, etc. Pen Pals essentially.

Today, because of the community, my heart is so full, and I feel so validated and seen. And I just have to talk about it because I'm so happy.

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Every year the group hosts an event called Stocking Swap. You get matched with a random person, and you send them a certain number of handmade items, and then an amount of whatever else you want to send in accordance with the rules, and they do the same for you. I'm shy when it comes to sharing the handmade things I've created. Especially in this community full of really amazing artists. But I stepped out of my comfort zone, and I entered my name.

Yesterday, I received my Stocking Swap, and I have never been so overwhelmed by the kindness of a stranger. Technically we only had to send 12 things. And I received a box full of beautiful creations and an endless number of things to use to create my own.

I was sobbing as I carefully went through each and every item. This woman I barely knew had sent me a treasure trove of items that I could only dream of having. I kept telling Mike as I sobbed "This is just so kind. I don't feel deserving of this" I am so overwhelmed by this kindness done to me, and I still find myself tearing up as I write this.

The interaction I had with this woman was so sweet. I struggled to find the right words to thank her. And after pouring my heart out about how grateful I was for her generosity and kindness she told me "Everyone deserves to be spoiled once and a while" I have been so stuck on the notion that I didn't deserve things. But someone thought I was worth it.

And to make it even better. She could not stop complementing me on the things I sent her. I was so nervous, but she truly was impressed by what I made and told me I was so talented. I needed that validation so badly. And I am so grateful. I feel so confident and motivated to create more.

I feel so happy and fulfilled. I can't stop smiling and I think this is the best thing to happen to me this year. I just had to talk about it. I can't believe this happened to me. I feel so light. I am forever grateful.

-erika